By Kimelia Carter
"To be honest
I’m a mess
He was right there
I was so close to stopping it
But I did nothing
To be honest
I’m ashamed
I should have done something
screamed at them to stop
But my words would have fallen on ears
As dead as his body
To be honest
I’m a coward
Because even though
Every cell in my body was
Pushing me to move
My fear was that with one
Shot I would never be able to
Again
Then it would be my name on
As the next hashtag
It would be my face on shirts
It would be my kids unable to see
Their daddy any more
Shit! I can’t take this anymore!
To be honest
I still see his face at night
I hear his words as I let my mind wonder
I see his blood in the streets
I hear him saying I can’t breathe!
Please someone stop this
Take these memories from
Me!
To be honest
I’m breaking
Apart
Into
A
Frag-
ment
Of
me
Because that man looked like me
I often find myself wishing
I was white in that moment
Because I could have saved him
He would have had one more day
To see the people, he loved
I often wonder, what he would have gotten the chance to say
To be honest
I wish it was me
I could have taken his place
Because no one should have
Face what he faced
It should have been me
I often pray
Because seeing his death, kills me
To this day
I anguish over my complacency
Because
To be honest
I just wish he didn’t have to depend on me."
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