Oof

By Jordan Godby

"“Kombucha

Doritos

True Grit DVD

Trojan”

That’s what is displayed on the Walmart self-checkout screen.

I’m kinda fucked up right now.

Fucked up like:

Moonshine and cheap beer.

Fucked up like:

“Hey I know this is weird and we haven’t been talking for that long,

But I like you and you’re giving off some ambiguous vibes,

So what’s going on here?”

Fucked up like:

“Idk, I don’t have any definite idea of what I want,

But I think you’re really cool!”

Fucked up like:

“Okay sorry for being weird about it,

I get really into people really fast

And I normally ghost people at this point,

Or say something stupid and make things weird…

Kinda like what I just said.”

Fucked up like:

It’s been seven hours and you haven’t even opened the message.

Fucked up like:

I just walked up to you

And shot myself in the foot.

I didn’t realize it would bleed like that.

Gurgling out every time my heart pumps,

Jumping to some macabre rhythm.

So I’m at Walmart with the homies

(This is a small town)

Even though I’m joking around and making strange impulse buys,

All I can think about is your silhouette,

You have hips like a succubus,

And my lower half feels molten.

I bought the condoms in case you change your mind,

They’re the type that have the numbing agent

So I don’t bust in like five seconds,

(Even though that’s definitely going to happen anyway)

I’m sorry if I’m getting a little creepy.

I remember when I met you,

You opened the McDonald’s drive thru window and said,

“Hey is your name Jordan?”

“Yes?”

“Did we match on Tinder?”

Fuck.

If that isn’t the most romantic shit you ever heard.

It ain’t even like that though,

I would give a crumb of a flirtatious vibe

And you would absorb it and continue on with the conversation,

You didn’t flirt back really,

But you didn’t shut it down.

That makes sense though,

Idk, we’ve been talking for a couple weeks,

You would apologize in the morning for falling asleep.

It was every day.

And I had to go and say weird shit too fast.

Oh well,

I’m just gonna sit back,

Drink some kombucha,

Eat some doritos,

Watch True Grit,

And try not to cry.

Lmao"